my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
