Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
