I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
