I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He felt like a one man threesome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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