Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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