We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
