oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
