Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
