we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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