I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
