We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
