No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
