I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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