So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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