I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
