peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
