My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
