Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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