Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And then my night got REAL pukey
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
