Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize