my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
