I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
