shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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