I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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