Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His nipple licking is glorious
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