It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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