the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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