If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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