I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
