Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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