just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
