I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
