Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
