What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
