..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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