I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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