that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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