I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
