if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
