Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
