pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
