Yo dont text me then not text me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
