My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize