Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
