I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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