If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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