Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
