I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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