what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm at about main and main street
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
