I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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