Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
