Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I touched a dick in church today
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize