I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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