a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You pole danced in your parka.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
