I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
