i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
