drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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