I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
