Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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