Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
