WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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