My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
