i think i have two assholes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
