Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
two words: eviction party
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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