I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
