reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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