I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize