I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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