he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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