No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
